THE
BASICS TO GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
A woman whom I have known for a long time – let's call her
Serena - is constantly telling me her dreams about finding the right
guy. Year after year, I hear the same story: All the good
guys are taken. Men don't like me
because………. Well, just
because!
 She then goes through a long list of
requirements - what she wants this dream man to look like, how much
money she wants him to make, and how she wants him to treat her.
The last time we spoke, I told her that if she doesn't get serious
about her intentions of meeting someone, she will never meet this "man
of her dreams". In her defense, she argued that she was using
a dating service but gave me several reasons why it didn't work.
I asked her what she was doing now to meet a man other than the dating
service.
Her reply was that she didn't have time because of her work but that
she still remains very interested in finding Mr. Right. I
told her I didn't think she was truly serious about finding a mate,
because of her lack of discipline in purposefully structuring her
schedule to find the man who would "rock her world." At that
point, she rolled her eyes and said it was just too much work.
Sound familiar?
This is a typical example of how many of us rationalize our own
laziness. We want certain things, but when results don't materialize
instantaneously, we become doubtful and slack off. My friend obviously
had let self-doubt creep in, and it affected her passion and
determination. Also, because she was unwilling to take risks or try
something new, she was going to keep doing what she'd already done and
keep getting the same negative results.
Let's repeat that basic notion one more time, because it's important:
Doing the same thing gets you the same results.
What most drives us towards our goals is our passion. Often times, it
is our passions that are directly related to our talents.
When you are doing things you love to do or things that truly interest
you, it is easy to put into it lots of time and energy.
For example, have you ever been doing a hobby or reading about
something interesting and what seemed like twenty minutes was really
two hours? Likewise, when you are doing something you don't like to do,
it seems as if time drags (or has even stopped.) Most people
can relate to this energy (or lack of it) by remembering when they were
in school. If you liked the subject, the time went by in a
flash. If it was a boring subject or a boring teacher, it was
a looooong class and it was difficult to learn or stay focused.
Whether you want to lose weight, be a good lover, a good musician, a
good student or a good athlete, you are more likely to succeed when you
are ready to commit yourself to it. So make sure this goal is
important to you; make sure your actions to achieve your goal are what
you enjoy doing. This way, if something is not working, you will be
more likely to change it.
Your failures are not setbacks; they are learning lessons. Be
courageous! Dare to do things that are unfamiliar to you or
that are not in your comfort zone. When you do things that
are new and different, chances are you will never go back to the old
way of thinking and doing things. Finally, make sure and remember
discipline (taking action and sticking to it) is your best friend.
Without discipline, you will feel as if you are on a
battlefield.
Here's an exercise - Sit back for a few minutes think about all the
things that you are good at, all your claims to fame. I've
had many people quickly respond that they don't have any claim to
fame. I then say, you are not thinking hard enough or being
fair to yourself. For example, some people are healthy. They
may not see this as a goal, but actually it is for many other people.
So, in this regard, healthy people have the "claim to fame" of
cultivating something that is important to them (their health). They
exercise regularly, they eat right and have discipline when it comes to
taking second helpings or eating a lot of desserts. They also
take supplements. They read about good health and good nutrition. They
go to a doctor when there is a problem.
As you can see, there is a commitment there. It is because of their
commitment to look and feel their best that they cultivate habits that
are not a big deal, but more a routine that helps them stay
focused. Their intention is in line with the way they live
their life, so that they don't even feel as if they are straining to
get what they want. There is not much conscious effort or
draining emotion to achieve their goal because their body and mind are
working together, (much like an athlete on the playing field).
 Have you
ever noticed that when athletes are performing well, they make it look
so easy? By rights it is easy, because they have integrated
certain habits into their life related to playing their sport, and
these habits have become second nature. The whole process
becomes more pleasurable than if they were forcing everything and
feeling as if they were swimming upstream.
If you want to have fun while achieving your goal, do it for the love
of it. The word 'amateur' comes from the Latin word 'amore,'
meaning 'for the love of'. Amateur sport was intended to be
played for the love of it. When we do something for just the
pure love of it, we are more likely to excel and see results.
If, however, we are constantly pushing to see results, we sabotage
ourselves. The key is to remain determined, but to be
patient, even if your actions do not immediately appear as if they are
accelerating your end goal. If you are enjoying the process, you will
benefit now, as well as when you reach your goal.
Also, the more fun you are having, the more you will want to continue
doing what is necessary to achieve your ultimate goal. The more you can
stay detached from the outcome and see the purpose in the process, the
more you will be motivated and eventually see positive results.
Sometimes we may know what we want (and feel
passionate about getting it), but following through can be difficult
and daunting. This is when you need a helping hand. When in
doubt, seek out the help of great leaders in the field. I
have some clients who are in fantastic shape, but if it weren't for the
help of their physical trainers they would not be disciplined to do the
work. If you don't have the money to hire a professional, why
not go to your local library or bookstore and check out some books on
the subject? Get support and assistance from family and friends. Don't
be afraid to ask around if someone would like a jogging or walking
partner. Not only will they motivate you, but you will motivate each
other. You can also learn a lot by talking to people about your
goal. People love to share their knowledge and help
others. Chances are, someone inspired and helped them along
the way as well.
Finally, there comes a point when you must face the truth. Sometimes
there is a block towards what we want because it really is not what we
want or it goes against a value we have towards the goal or towards
ourselves. If you love caring for people but faint at the
sight of blood, chances are you would not make a good nurse or
doctor. This goal goes against your physical capability.
Also, if you say to yourself, "I can't do this," chances are you cannot
and will not. You must pursue your goals without fear. So the
goal of rock climbing is no good if you fear heights. Pick another goal.
Know thyself! We've already mentioned how important
discipline is when setting up a daily routine and sticking with
it. If necessary, seek help from friends, family and
professionals. Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough get
going. Learn to incorporate your intentions into your daily life. The
more your goals become part of your daily routine and you find pleasure
in them, the more they will become effortless habits instead of
arduous, tedious tasks that feel like work.
Also, know what works for you and what doesn't. Running at
5am might be good for some people who are early-morning risers, but for
others, running in the evening after work might work better with their
energy pattern.
Always think of discipline as a good thing.
 It is through
discipline that you attract what you want.
Discipline will help you be the person you want to be. When
in doubt, let the image of achieving your goal give you the passion and
energy to take the next step forward. Don't forget to enjoy every
moment in the process. That's because it's in the present
moment where the greatest happiness lies.
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Cloud Graphics. Last updated June 6, 2008
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