TIPS ON HOW TO
SURVIVE THE ROLLER-COASTER OF LIFE
 Everyone
will attest to the fact that life has its ups and down - even each
individual day has its highs and lows.
Just yesterday, I had a great day—at least most of
it. My tennis lessons went well. A few of my
clients had some breakthroughs with their games, and the other clients
enjoyed their lessons as well. I stopped into Whole Food
Super Mart and ran into an old student who had finished high school and
is getting ready to explore Europe and India before he heads off to
college. Nick, my former student, was not only a good tennis
player but a young man with a beautiful heart. It was an
unexpected delight to run into him.
When I got home, I received another unexpected surprise (this one not
so delightful). My computer was not working. I
pushed and pulled and unplugged and then plugged everything in again,
but nothing worked. I then spent a few hours on the phone
with my AOL service and then Time Warner. After listening to
one-after-the-other-after-the-other prerecorded messages "to get me to
the right place," I finally reached a live representative.
There was no deduction made as to why my computer was not
working, but I was connected to the place where they would make an
appointment with me to have someone come out to look at my computer.
While I was being transferred, I was disconnected.
"Nooooooo", I said! I didn't have it in me to call back and
go through that long arduous process again. Yet, there was
work that needed to be done on my computer. I debated whether
I should call back, but I knew if I didn't stop and take a break, I
would be heading for a visit to my dentist to get a mouth piece for
grinding my teeth. So I decided to take extreme
measures. I headed straight for the bathroom and started
running the water for a bath.
 A
bath combined with my "Victory Dance technique" (read about this
relaxing technique in my new book debuting in 2008 called The
Victory Dance) is one of those necessities when
I need to recharge my emotions. To contribute to the
experience, I added some scented oils, candles, soft, relaxing music,
and some cool refreshment. During my luxurious soak, I forgot I even
had a computer. Friends, both men and women, have told me
they find that it's the perfect tonic for calming your nerves and
soothing your muscles. I strongly second that
opinion. After the bath, I experienced a second wind of
energy and decided to call back to make the service
appointment. This time, the call seemed to go quite
quickly. I made my appointment, and I was able to let all the
feelings of anxiety go.
As in life, ten people can have the same trauma or problem, and all ten
people will handle it differently. The same with riding a
roller-coaster—everyone rides it differently. Some
people scream the whole way, other people close their eyes the whole
way, and yet other people love the whole experience even when the ride
may appear a bit challenging. The idea is this—it's not what
happens to you in life, but how you deal with it, and how you choose to
ride out the roller-coaster of life is what will determine your
day-to-day harmony and the quality of your life. When playing a tennis
match (or any sport), you can make a lot of mistakes in the match and
still win it (for example, winning a set 6-4 means you lost 4 games).
The same is true with life. If things are going well in the morning,
and/or something catches you off guard in the afternoon, there is no
need to crash. Or, if things are difficult in the morning, you should
not let that dictate how the rest of your day will be.
Here are some tips to help you prepare and
survive the roller-coaster ride of life.
Throughout the day, be more aware of what you are doing and where you
are going—live life in the "here and now." Don't
just get in your car and drive to work, but take note of, most
importantly, the road but also what is around you. When you
are aware of your surroundings, you are more in tune with your
environment. If you are paying attention, you will better see
a reckless driver, and you can avoid him before you are the victim of
his recklessness in an accident. I've heard spouses say, "I
never knew my wife was unhappy. One day she just decided to
leave me." This is a good example of not being in touch with
your daily reality.
Cool it before you lose it. Sometime we need to take a
time-out and clear our minds before we say or do something that we
might wish we had not done. How can you make a good decision
or be productive when you are distracted? When you feel you
are losing it, stop and take a time-out. Pull over to the
side of the road, go to the bathroom, or take a walk.
The idea is to clear your head. You can do this by closing
your eyes and telling every body part from your head to toe to
relax. As you say the word 'relax,' think of each body part
and see blue light emanating around that particular spot.
Cool, relaxing blue light breaking down and pushing out any
tension. If you are not able to close your eyes, then just
focus on your breath. Be conscious of taking a deep long
breath in through your nose, holding it for a few seconds, and then
blowing it out through your mouth. Consciously feel the
nervousness and stress leave your body as you breathe out.
You might even imagine the air that you blow out as a mucky grey/brown
color. This is what you are releasing from your body and
letting go of. As you continue to release these unwanted
feelings with each new breath that you inhale, feel your body and mind
getting more and more relaxed. Say it, think it, feel it, "I
am now relaxed—I feel great." Repeat this over and
over again until you truly feel relaxed and great.
Take breaks throughout the day. Anyone will eventually feel
exasperated if he or she is continuously working on something or
constantly doing something without a break. This is when a
hot flash of anger can occur . All sports have breaks. This
is important not only to recharge yourself physically, but mentally as
well. Every hour, get up and stretch. Stretch your
hands above your head and reach for the sky. Now hold this
position as you take three breaths in through your nose and out through
your mouth. Now touch your hands to your toes (or as far as
they will reach – I'm not trying to kill you here!) and hold
it for the count of three deep breaths. Now put your hands on
your hips and turn side to side as you blow out each time you turn to
the right, then the left. Feel better? I thought so!
Distract yourself. When the smile has been wiped off your
face, it's time to call a friend, put on your favorite song on your
iPod, or pick up a book. You get the idea. When the
going gets tough, the tough go shopping!! (note - This should only be
an option if you have the money to do so. "Take a walk" can easily
replace "go shopping" if funds are tight.) But regardless of
how, the idea is to take constructive action and break the continuous
sequence of negative feelings. Often times, I find my dogs
are a wonderful distraction for me. When I am tired after a
long day of tennis, I come home to my three dogs, and I am reminded how
lucky I am to have them. They are so excited to see
me. We exchange greetings and kisses. Even taking
them outside and watching them run around gives me a thrill to see them
chase each other. It makes me happy to see them have so much
fun together.
Have a place you can go to where you can escape. This can be
at a park, a lake, or a forest. If you live with other
people, you can always close the door for some private time to
yourself. Why not even put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign?
As I mentioned earlier, taking a bath is a wonderful way to
escape and experience relaxation. Put aside some quiet time
for reflection. This will have a meaningful positive impact
on yourself as well as others.
Know that positive thoughts will give you control of your feelings,
your life, and your environment. Too often, we look for
things that will bring us happiness, yet in reality, the happiness is
right in front of our noses. We just have to be aware of
it. If you want to be happy, you really have to make up your
mind to be happy. That's right. You (and only you) are
responsible for your happiness. If you are looking for
happiness from other people, you will be waiting forever.
Make a conscious effort to find joy, laughter, and happiness in
everything you do. This includes the things you don't like to
do as well.
We all hate doing laundry, but it's one of those chores of life that
must be done. So why not make the best of it? Turn on your
favorite music and be creative. Just make sure that while you
are singing to the music, you are separating your clothes according to
the proper colors. Tie-dyed clothes went out of style years
ago!
 As
I mentioned before, your thoughts align with how you feel. So if you
think positive thoughts, you will feel undoubtedly feel
better. What
better way to do this than to feel gratitude for everything in your
life? I'm not talking about the big things. I wanted you to
be aware and acknowledge even the little things, too, the things that
we take for granted, such as having a washer and dryer and other little
conveniences that make life easier and beautify our world. The
more you grateful you feel, the happier you will feel, and the more joy
you will continue to bring to yourself as well as to others. What a
neat domino affect!
Trust and have faith that everything is going to be "okay."
When people experience bad luck or a difficult situation, they right
away get concerned that the experience will be repeated again or that
this one incident will set the tone for the whole day. This
panic only sets you up for more failure.
Many of us have taken a test in school and felt prepared when we walked
in. During the test, some information evades our
memory. If we panic, before we know it, we begin to blank out
and can't remember anything. The same is true in everyday
life—the more we obsess about something, the more likely we
will inevitably have something to obsess about. When you see
you are obsessing about something, put it in an imaginary balloon, and
then open your hand. Go and then release the balloon. Really
let it go mentally and figuratively, and tell yourself, "Everything is
going to be okay."
As I mentioned earlier, you can also distract yourself to stop thinking
about the problem. Mental and physical trust is imperative to perform
your best and being your best self. Nothing happens easily or
at its best when we force it. Instead, trust that you have
the answers or will have them in time and that everything really is
going to be all right. Worrying does not help the problem. It
only creates more doubt and fear.
Prepare to have a successful day every day. How can you do
this, you ask? Some practical measures for alleviating
everyday stress are getting enough sleep. This vacillates
from person to person. Figure out how much sleep you need to
function at an optimum level. To feel prepared for the next
day, make a list the night before of what must be done the next
day. This should also include what you need to take with
you. For example, if you know you will be driving by the dry
cleaners, you will want to have your dirty laundry with you in the car.
If you like music, put on your favorite CD to get you moving in the
morning as you get ready for work. Some people like to do yoga or
meditate in the morning. They say it gives them a feeling of
confidence that lasts throughout the day, and they are better able to
handle any unexpected problems. Don't forget to eat
breakfast. They say it's the most important meal of the day
for good reason. It jump-starts your metabolism and gives you
energy and will help you to be more productive. Coffee and a cigarette
is not breakfast!!
Finally, don't wait for the extraordinary days to make you
happy. These are few and far between. The holidays are nice,
but so is an ordinary Wednesday in mid October. So try to
make the ordinary days as bright as you can. If your day
starts out sunny and then turns to rain, there's no need to fret (hey,
the flowers are getting watered!) You also have your raincoat
and umbrella, so you're well-prepared to handle this little dip in the
roller-coaster of life.
By implementing the tips above, you are now taking positive
constructive action to bring joy to your life. Remember, keep
your eyes open and be aware of what is around, and no screaming or
complaining! Screaming and complaining are outright annoying,
and they will only perpetuate your negative circumstances.
All difficult experiences and frustrating moments will be
minimized when you feel you are doing your best and when you live life
with gratitude. Always know everything is going to be "okay"
and this, too, shall pass.
And for heaven's sake, if you don't know what to do first, start by
taking a bath!
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