Nancy Koran - People Who Need People

Everywhere I go, I see looks of judgment, frowns, the feeling that everyone is oblivious to each other…. Don't believe me? Just drive down the road a little slower than "normal." You'll be the subject of quite a bit of scorn after perhaps three minutes (if even that long).

For God's sake, what are we doing to ourselves?

When we exhibit such behavior, not only are we projecting negative energy outward, but in essence, we are also shooting ourselves in the foot. Time and time and time again, I see strangers eyeing other people up and down, looking them over as if they were pieces of meat, looking for faults and projecting judgment. To be honest, it's like high school all over again… but people are even more cynical than they were in high school. Scary!

The other night I was at a nice restaurant celebrating my husband's birthday, and once again I witnessed the same behavior over and over again, not only toward my husband and me, but with people projecting negative behavior toward each other. Heaven forbid the salad was ten seconds late! It wasn't until my husband and I wished the people on either side of our table "Happy New Year" that smiles appeared on their faces. We shook each other's hands and exchanged a pleasant word. Already the environment changed, and people seemed more at ease. I can't help but go back to the song by Barbara Streisand sang, "People Who Need People."

The big question is how can people need or help other people when everyone looks at everyone else as the enemy (or someone to be scorned)? Most people want to see an end to fighting in the world, yet how can there be peace on Earth if we cannot unite as people within our own communities by showing common courtesy and respect to each other? Have we become so important in our own minds that we are too big to acknowledge other people with a "Hello," or a few kind words? There seems to be a death of respect. The consequence is people don't trust other people, people don't help other people, and people feel they don't need other people. How can people expect to be truly happy and successful when they are missing this key component—RESPECT? When you empower others, you empower yourself. Isn't life difficult enough without making everyone our enemy?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should make everyone your best friend. I am saying that when we respect others and acknowledge others, we get it back – in fact, what we give of ourselves we get back two-fold.

Now before you tell me to take off the rose-colored glasses, let me use an example that I think everyone can relate to. Remember Spock from Star Trek? He was a Vulcan, and if you watched the TV series, as my husband and I still do, you know that Vulcans have no emotions. When you lack emotions of joy and caring, you are living like a robot (wouldn't that be dull and boring!?!) When you are around people with no emotions, you surround yourself with empty people. Empty people usually create an environment that is cold and negative. Think of the people you like to be around - they are usually people who extend themselves to others. It makes you feel good to be around them. They are the people who are most popular at parties and are the cream of the crop when it comes to dating and marriage or spending your life with a significant other.

Now, if you want to be happier in life and have more meaningful experiences, raise your hand. Okay, just what I thought. You are smart and you realize that this message is important, and you're ready to take action. What we're going to put forth in motion is the idea of respect, and the easiest way to respect others is to be someone others want to be around. It's as simple as that!

Here are a few ways in which you do your part for humanity, and what you will get back I guarantee is better than what you have been getting:

Smile and say "Hello" to people when you see them. Don't worry. No one is going to take advantage of you if you smile. If anything, the opposite is true; you will see doors open.

Be conscious of your actions. Have you ever seen someone put her hand to someone's ear and whisper something while simultaneously both people look at the victim who is being scrutinized? You might as well be holding up a poster that says "Hey, I'm talking about you." Let's not revert to childhood behavior—it's classless and ignorant. When you believe in this negative behavior, believe you me, it will come back at you at another time like a boomerang. It is inevitable.

Watch your words. Watch the words you're saying. Does this mean you have to measure everything? No, only the words that come out of your mouth. If you are cursing at me right now, just stop it! I'm trying to help you. We've all heard it and been victims of vicious and hurtful things that people have said to us. When they see that they have hurt us, their response is, "I didn't mean it," or "Don't take everything I say so seriously." This is a cop-out. If you punched someone in the mouth and then said, "I didn't mean it" or "Don't take it seriously," would you be forgiven? Words have incredible power to encourage, to hurt, or to manipulate. Believe me, a positive message out creates a positive message in.

Cool it before you lose it. You can get more with honey than you do with vinegar.

man staring

It doesn't matter if someone looks familiar to you, or he looks famous, or you think she looks weird. Staring is one of the rudest things you can do. If you don't think it's a big deal, think back to a time in your life when someone was glaring at you. I had a friend who said she was so self-conscious at a restaurant that she couldn't even find her mouth while she was eating. She said she felt so uncomfortable, but also it was most embarrassing to her.

Sometimes people don't even realize they are staring at someone or looking at someone with disapproving eyes. This is where it is imperative that we be conscious as well as responsible for our actions. You can even do this by giving someone a respectful smile from across the room. Remember, you control the actions and attitudes of yourself and others.

See yourself and others with eyes of acceptance.

Everyone wants to be liked and accepted. Applying this application of appreciating, respecting, and accepting to others shows them that you are self-confident and that you don't have to put other people down or make them feel uncomfortable to make you worthy or feel good.

When people feel this relaxed, accepting vibe resonating from you, they tend to open up. We've all heard stories about people who were judged by the way that they looked or by what they wore. One story was about a man dressed in tattered clothing who walked into a bank. He tried to get people's attention, but no one wanted to listen to him—little did they know he had millions of dollars. Because of the poor attention he received, he decided to take his millions of dollars and business elsewhere. I've even heard of people who said they met someone at a restaurant or event and because of their kind demeanor or positive presence they were able to meet people who proved to be very important connections in their lives.

If someone looks good, tell him or her. Instead of saying to yourself, "Of course she looks good, she can afford to look good with all the money she has," think of how good you feel when someone pays you a sincere compliment.

Search for things to be grateful for with other people. Everyone wants to be appreciated. When you acknowledge someone's kind efforts, that person will automatically want to do more in return, and more importantly, you will feel good about acknowledging someone else's actions and letting go of jealousy. Jealous people are always miserable because they always feel that someone has more than them, and they never attract enough because they always feel that they never have enough. Always appreciate what you have, no matter how little you think it is. Unfortunately, we don't know how lucky we are until one day we don't have it.

healthy activity

We are not competing against each other. You are running the race of life against yourself. As long as you are striving to better yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally, then you are engaging in healthy improvement. If you feel that everyone is a competitor, you will never be able to relax with other people, and you will shift your consciousness to anxiety. No one performs his best with this kind of internal pressure. You become your biggest obstacle.

Remember your "Please" and "Thank you." Here is a good example: you are driving your car, and you need to get into another lane . You make contact with the car next to you, but they are staying so close to the car ahead of you that it's possible you could be witnessing an accident: them hitting the car in front of them. To them, the risk is worth it. They don't want you to get ahead of them. Usually, the best course of action is to get their attention with a smile then point to the car in front of you and then end the message with a friendly wave, mouthing the words "thank you." Nine out of ten times, the person will stop and allow you to come in and be smiling as he does it, because he feels good about giving you a break. I didn't want to have to remind you of something so elementary, but people forget how important these words are.

When you want something, don't be demanding. Often, people think that because someone is providing a service, they have right to snap their fingers or to pontificate to that person as if he or she is below us. I am surprised at how many times the people who provide services to me are the same people I might be serving a tennis lesson to another day.

As human beings, we are all here to serve each other; that is why we need each other. So instead of looking for fun in extraordinary activities or the "Kodak moments," why not look for fun in simple daily tasks and in expressing respect to other people in whatever we do every day? Not only will you develop a profound appreciation for life, but you will also develop appreciation for the different types of people in it. Remember,

"People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world!"