What
message is YOUR body language sending out?
I was thinking about body language the other day, and this memory came to me from
my days on the Professional Women’s Tennis Tour.
During a tournament, when it was your turn to play, the tournament
director or one of their staff would call out both your name and your
opponent’s name. They would then hand you a new
can of tennis balls and tell you which court to go to to play your match.
Many people think that the match starts with the first serve - but
in actuality, for me, the match started the minute I was handed the
tennis balls and was walking with my opponent to the court.
I would observe so many subtleties - for instance, when I was
introduced to my opponent, did they look me in the eye?
What was their facial expression? Were they
dressed sensibly for tennis, or did they appear sloppy and disheveled as
if they didn’t care about themselves? Did
they smile, scowl, or ignore me?
I would also look at how they held their bodies as they walked to the
court. When my opponents would give off a positive, powerful vibe, this
was a sign to me that they felt good about themselves, were confident about
their game, and expected to win. That meant I was in for a
tough match.
However, there were the opponents who gave off a negative vibe,
slouching and scowling. Coincidently, these were the same
players who were the rebellious ones; the hotheads; the sore losers.
Players like this more often than not sabotaged themselves.
Then there were the players who kept their head down and walked really
slowly, as if they were fearful of the outcome. Perhaps this was
because they did not feel confident in their game, or did not feel
prepared and ready to play. Naturally, I felt I had a slight
edge against people who held themselves this way.
Whether you are aware of it or not, people are sizing you up, both
consciously and subconsciously, all the time. Body language
not only represents how you present yourself to the world, but more
importantly, it reveals to others your emotional state, your
sensitivities, and your physical and mental weaknesses.
The body
language we portray to others is usually a direct result of what we
think of ourselves.
What you think of yourself is actually mirrored back to
you. If you project confidence, people will see you as
powerful. If you look relaxed and attentive, people will see
you as balanced, receptive, and friendly. If you show respect
to yourself, as well as to others, people will see you as important and
mirror that respect back to you.
In
essence, the impression we give to others not only governs how they
treat us, but also has a direct effect on how we are going to
perform.
Here are three ways to measure your own body language and determine if
you have what it takes to create what you want to achieve.
1. Study your posture
If you want to see good posture, study the body alignment of top
professional athletes. Their body is erect, their head is up,
and their walk is not anxious and controlled. They are in
control, both physically and mentally.
Their body language is not turning away from you or rocking back; it is
open, and still exuding professionalism and confidence. This
is a person who does not anticipate failure.
 On the other hand, when I was
watching the ice skating competition during the Winter Olympics, I knew
who would challenge for the gold the moment the skaters came on the
ice. In essence, a picture was worth a thousand words. The
way they moved immediately gave the
viewer a glimpse of how well they were going to perform.
Even without hearing the commentator’s predictions of who was
expected to do well, you could tell which skaters were in contention for the gold medal, as opposed to
those who looked defeated before the competition even started.
Try it next time you watch a big sporting event.
2. Are you
relaxed?
Is your body stiff? Do you turn your body partially away from
others? Do you cast your eyes down and not look people in the
eye? Is your jaw clenched, and are your shoulders
raised? Do you move your body in a jerky and mechanical way?
Being relaxed usually goes hand in hand with being focused.
Your body and mind are working together as one powerful force.
Do you give the impression that you are ready and prepared?
People who are relaxed are better able to focus and stay in the present
moment. Also, their calm manner seems to magically dissolve
tension in others. People trust people who are relaxed and
comfortable in their own skin. It shows that they are ready and
prepared mentally, physically, and emotionally.
 Relaxed people
usually breathe slower and deeper. They are also more likely
to smile, because they are enjoying what they do. These are
the players and people who are good in the clutch. When the
going gets tough, they do not let their emotions get out of control.
Through practice they have learned to harness their emotions
and are, therefore, more willing to take chances. Their
relaxed, deep, purposeful concentration allows them to block out
extraneous noises or negative circumstances around them.
Relaxed people are usually good listeners, and enjoy interaction.
When people are not relaxed, it clearly shows.
Their fidgety body language, hard and fast breathing, darting
eyes, and restless or jerky body movements give them away.
People know right away that they are nervous and are not
comfortable being themselves. This state of being is especially damaging to
performance when the chips are down and the pressure is on.
You will develop and refine your ability to relax the more you practice
it, especially in stressful and high-pressure situations.
3. Do you show respect to others?
When you respect yourself, as well as others, people will likewise
treat you with respect.
Respect is a very revealing quality. People who respect
themselves usually enjoy expressing themselves. They do not
live up to anyone else’s standard, because they set their
own. Respect radiates poise, calm, and confidence. The most
influential people I can think of have always embodied this trait, and
have always commanded it in return.
By being more aware of your behavior and body language, you will not
only send a positive message to others that you are someone to be taken
seriously, but more importantly, you will think, feel, and play like a
champion.
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