Cool
it BEFORE you lose it!
Anger:
if you don’t control it, will control you!
Anger is your hidden enemy, and it can show up anytime,
anyplace. It can occur when you are least expecting it, for a
variety of reasons.
Plenty of things and situations can make you angry - like being
stuck in traffic, having a misunderstanding with friends, performing poorly on
an exam, or hearing a snide remark from a colleague at work.
Sometimes the issues can be relatively minor. However, the
effect is usually the same: a creased forehead, a clenched jaw, heavy
breathing, yelling, rushing around, and so on.
Anger can be fairly destructive. Angry people lose control,
and they do not make smart decisions. For some people, being
angry is an everyday occurrence, and there are even some people who use
anger as a psychological bullying tactic.
Fortunately, people are now paying more attention to this issue and
talking about it more frankly. Anger management is more
popular than ever before, and if we can help teach people how to handle
and understand their anger, we will help people adopt new habits that
will involve less anger and more heart.
Now, for those of you (like me) who occasionally suffer from minor
bouts of anger due to impatience, tension build-up at work, and
unnecessary worry, I would like to give you some simple steps to help
you “cool it before you lose it.”
Anger
is the enemy, and when you feel it lurking, you should remember that
what you think affects what you feel, and what you feel will affect how
you will react or perform.
In other words, when you feel anger, recognize the fact you are angry,
and recognize what anger can do. Here are a few things to
help you:
1. Take a Deep
Breath and Relax Yourself
High mental anxiety increases your adrenalin and burns up valuable
energy. When you see the signs of anger, such as a headache,
confusion, or the inability to concentrate, it is time to change your
body state through your breathing, your posture, and by relaxing your
muscles.
First, slow down your breathing. A good exercise is to
breathe in slowly to the count of three, hold your breath as long as it
feels comfortable, and then slowly, to the count of three, let your
breath out through your mouth. There is nothing like a good
exhale to release tension. Inhaling and exhaling in a
rhythmic fashion will make a sound like the ebb and flow of the
ocean.
Second, you need to be more aware of your posture. I’ve never
seen a top performer with his or her shoulders slumped. That
is because they know the value of good posture. You will breathe better
and feel more at ease when you are sitting or standing tall; also, you
will feel and project confidence.
Finally, be aware of the muscles in your body. What muscles
feel tight? Do you grind your teeth? Do you feel
your neck get tight? Which muscles in your body do you feel
contract? Often it helps to physically rub the place
that feels tense or stiff.
When I’m feeling angry and frustrated, I often rub my temples
for relief. For muscle tightness, try stretching the body
part that feels tight. Raise your arms over your head as you
stand on your toes and slowly reach up to the sky.
 Sometimes you will not be able to relieve the
tension by physically addressing it; in those cases, you should
mentally address it. Try focusing on the troubled area and
mentally think the word “relax,” as you take deep
breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
You can also try contracting the muscle that already feels
tight. Hold on to the contraction for a few minutes, and then
slowly and deliberately relax it. This method for relaxation
is more intense, because it directs more attention to the knotted area;
consequently, the relief experienced is more dramatic.
With all these measures, your brain sends your body the message that it
is relaxed and grounded. Being grounded
means that your feet are planted firmly on the ground and you are in
control.
2. Make time for
periods of calm throughout the day.
When I take a time-out during the day, even for 5 or 10 minutes, to
stretch my legs or close my eyes, I am less likely to get agitated by
little annoyances that pop up.
3. Distract
yourself.
When you get angry, you get consumed with the negative thoughts
flooding into your head. Instead of paying attention to those
thoughts, distract yourself by putting on the radio, picking up the
phone, turning on the television, reading the newspaper, playing with
your dog, or involving yourself in a project.
When you refocus your attention, you shift your thoughts from something
negative to something neutral or even positive. Even mentally
distracting yourself with a pleasant thought will work.
Instead of thinking about the negative thing, recall how
relaxed you felt on your last vacation, sitting at the beach,
mesmerized by the ocean and playing with your kids.
As quickly as we can get angry, we can get ourselves calm by
distracting ourselves and by forming relaxing pictures in our minds.
4. Get up and
dance!
OK, maybe not literally dance, but the point remains - moving around
can be very beneficial. Dancing, running, or moving around is a great
way to get negative, pent-up energy out of your body.
 Naturally, if you’re in the office, you
can’t always go running or start dancing, but you can do a
quick exercise that will help you relieve tension: do push-ups. Push-ups are a fast and powerful way to release
negative tension and energy, and you don’t have to do a lot of
them.
A good exercise for adults at work or kids in school is to run up and
down steps. Of course, you want to be careful not to cause harm to or
get in the way of others. And hey, if all else fails, just
get up and walk around.
Anger can range from frustration, to illness, and even to violence.
To avoid anger and stay relaxed, you have to work at
it. By changing the way you react to anger, you will be able
to cool it before you lose it!
Contents of this web site are copyrighted. ©2006-8 Nancy Koran unless
otherwise noted. If you would like to use the material of
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Cloud Graphics. Last updated June 29, 2008
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