Many times I have had my tennis clients tell me they hear me whispering in their ear when they are playing a match.  These are not lessons - in fact, I am not even on the court with them.  These are matches they play on their own time.

Yet, as they are on the court they hear me say "Come up to the net on a short ball" or "Reach up more on your overhead smash." "Don't baby your second serve, put more spin on it and go for it with confidence!"  Whether we realize it or not all of us have a committee of voices in our head.  These voices can even go as far back to when we were young children in school.

One of my favorite books is Seabiscuit, which is the story of one of the greatest race horses ever.  One of the main characters - Red Pollard - had what you could say is a tough life.  He was a failed prizefighter, a failed jockey until someone believed in him, and he then finally started to believe in himself.   Against all odds he overcame a phenomenal run of bad fortune and made a name for himself in horse racing history.  On the television biography of Seabiscuit Pollard's sister said he was always haunted by the words of one of his elementary school teacher saying "You will never amount to anything." This became a self-fulfilling prophesy.  His reality was he wasn't amounting to anything and his life.  His existence was full of fear and paralyzed with thoughts of failure and rejection until he had the courage to stand up to the naysayers and prove them wrong.

Like the way a Hallmark card can speak to all of us as if the person who wrote the card knew how we personally felt, many of us have the same committee members in our head - they just might have different names because they came from different people in our lives.  Needless to say, the positive and negative effect they have on us is the same.  This committee usually consists of: our parents, siblings, coaches, friends and teachers. Each voice (committee member) is usually saying the same thing to us over and over and over again as if they are reading a script.

There is the committee member who says "What will other people say?"  Putting all the attention on consideration on what everyone else is thinking (except you!)

Then there is the person who says "What if you fail?" "You're going to embarrass yourself."  "Are you sure you are ready?"  Needless to say, this voice is the pessimist.

Then there is the voice that says "Don't you like your life the way it is – why do you want to rock the boat – you'll be sorry."  This voice wants us to be complacent and take the easy road for everything.  Naturally when we take the easy road nothing gets done and then we wonder why we keep having the same experiences and same failures repeated over and over again.

Another echoing voice might be similar to the one Red Pollard the jockey had in Seabiscuit – "You'll never be good enough!"  No doubt this voice is a blueprint for failure and you will always pushing yourself to do better, but never be satisfied with the results, because whatever you do it is not good enough.

It can be really silly, too – for example, I know of people in their 50's who are still concerned what their parents will think of their actions.  Even if the parents live far away from their offspring they have their parent's beliefs, values and voices playing over and over again in their head.   Even though they don't agree with them and want to break out of the cycle they somehow feel bound to them because these voices are familiar to them - it is what they've always done in the past so it has become an ingrained way of thinking.

Walt Disney said that he had several different voices in his head, which he identified as different people.  All of them supported his creativity, but also they help him make the most constructive business decisions.  There was "the dreamer," "the creator," "the business man" and many others.  The most important thing is that they all worked together to motivate and help him accomplish his goals.

To maximize your time, resources and talents and to make the most of everyday and every opportunity both professionally and personally, it's time to introduce a new habit and to take charge of your life!

UP

You're the boss

As 'chairman of the board' it is incumbent upon you to identify who the voices (committee members) are in your head.  The best way to do this is to be aware of your self-talk.  When you hear yourself self-sabotaging yourself with negative comment or you feel yourself passing judgment on others, identify where this belief, value and words come from (i.e.: "Where did I hear it before?")

Chances are you will find it was something repeated over and over again by a teacher, family member, or someone from your past.  You have obviously given this person a lot of importance – perhaps too much importance!

Also, don't forget to recognize the positive, inspiring and motivational voices.  Identify these voices as well.  Perhaps it could even be your own voice, but why not label this voice.  Even if you feel this voice is you and not someone else, let's give it a name to.  This way you will be able to recognize all committee members by their name of title.  For example there could be Aunt Dee "the nag," or there could be committee member who is just a part of your subconscious such as Ms. Sunshine who helps you to smile when the going gets tough.  This is the voice that will say "You can do it!"

No doubt, we are all complex individuals, with opinions and beliefs that may sometimes contradict one another. Yet when identifying your committee members find out which one are helping you.  Make sure that the voices are positive.  Not every voice will be a cheerleader.  Some voices will question you, but in a constructive way.  They will help you examine the details.  Negative voices undermine you and cause you to second guess yourself.   All the committee members in your head should be working together logically and concisely on your behalf to help you be your best self and accomplish your goal.

Sometimes writing down on a piece of paper whom these committee members are and what purpose they have in your life will help you be more aware of who is on your team. It might take a week to get all the members to reveal themselves.  Sometimes people have asked me "How do I know who is a member and who is just me?"  The answer is simple.  When you listen to these voices see which one resonate with your higher self.  Does this thought benefit me?  Does it support me toward my goals and purpose in life?  Does this make me feel happy and empowered?  As you know our words and thoughts hold tremendous power in how we experience life - including our happiness and success.

It's interesting how the process works.  When you become more aware of your self-talk you then increase extra energy and focus toward your goals.  Things will naturally get better in your life, because you will see yourself improving and be thrilled with the results.  The more positive results you see, the more mindful you want to be in monitoring your thoughts.

It's the same on the tennis court.  When people hate their serve it's because they are having difficulty with it.  The more they practice it the better it gets.  The better it gets the more they like it and want to practice it. See how it goes?

Pretty soon you'll find this new programming an automatic habit, as well as a fun and easy thing to do.  Now, here is the hard part, but I promise the benefits gained will be worth the price.  You need to either fire these committee members who are not supporting you positively or constructively or put them in line.

UP

Here is an example: A client of mine told me she always questioned herself after having dinner or when just hanging out with co-workers and friends.  After a fun night out on the town she would replay in her mind some of the fun things that happened that night, but then get stuck on things that she thought might have been misinterpreted.  I told her people misinterpret things all the time.  Often when we think someone else is misinterpreting things that we say, usually we are the ones who are misinterpreting their response.  When we are out having fun are responses are not rehearsed and things don't come out of our mouth perfectly (and they are not suppose too either!)

She then deduced that this way of thinking that everything she said and did was not good enough came from her mother.  I then told her that although you love your mother, you are now an adult - why is she still running your life like you're a child?  She said she didn't feel comfortable firing her mother.  Instead we decided to set her mother straight and let her know that she is no longer going to be calling the shots.  There will be no more you should have done this and you should have said that!  Here are the steps we took to put my client back in the driver's seat of her life and to command her position as Chairman of the Board.

1.    First, recognize the voices in your head (write them down on a piece of paper.) Next, figure out where did this voice or negative belief come from?  Is this committee member working on my behalf?  Is this voice being true to me – my wants, my needs, my happiness, my success??

2.    When you hear certain words in your head and you get the same feeling from them, identify them by name. For example this is Grandma __________.  This is coach _________.

This is my best friend (__________).  This committee member is always there for you with infinite and unconditional love.

Then there is the Admiral (make up a name.)  This will be the committee member who will remind you that you are a leader, powerful, and worthy of life's very best.

Then there is the committee member who is the risk taker, the adventurer (another made up name).  This committee member pushes you past your comfort zone.

Then there is the organizer (boy, we're getting a lot of imaginary friends here, huh?).  They mentally nudge you when it's time to go to sleep and push you to wake up early so that you will get everything done.  They also help to mentally organize your thoughts and actions for success on a day-to-day basis.

Why not have "the angel" on your team? (I'm not going to tell you to make up more names – you get the point.)  This committee member helps you to be grateful and respectful of everyone.  He or she will help you to think twice before you do something you might regret or say something that might hurt someone. The angel helps you to see things from others people's point of view.


Then there is "Mr. or Ms. Practical" - this committee member will help you to access situations accurately.

Don't forget "The mentor."  This committee member knows exactly the right questions to ask and who will help you make the best decisions - for you.

Just make sure all these committee members are helping you to give and be your best self. Your greatest satisfaction in life will come from knowing you are giving and being your best self.

3.    The final step is to take action and talk back to the aggressors. Use words like "So what!"  "I don't care what you think!"  "Shut-up and get out!"  After you cancelled their words, replace these words with positive ones.  You can do this by rephrasing their words with any words or statements that empower you. For example if you hear "You ate more than everyone else – You are such a fat pig!"  Repost back to this voice with "I'm not listening to you - I am not going to feel guilty and then eat more food.  Or, I am mindful of what I eat and every day I am getting healthier and losing more and more weight."  Talk back to these voices, laugh at them or even fire them!

All your committee members should be positive influences. If not, make sure you set them straight by negating their destructive voices then rephrase these words with positive ones that speak to you personally.  Also, don't be afraid to fire them.  That's right!  Tell them "You're fired" and mean it!  That means you will no longer give them any more time and attention.  Au revoir!  You might have to see these people in your head at a family get together, but they don't have to bombarding your thoughts and controlling your life!

If you talk back to these voices enough times eventually they will go away.  Your new way of thinking and behaving will no longer give them reason to stay.  Remember, you decide who stays and who goes.  Some committee members, through reprogramming, can be conditioned to become positive voices.  But it's up to you to set them straight.  If you settle for mediocrity you will get mediocrity.

Likewise, if you expect the best, you will make it so!  In the same way that we all like to hang out with good people in life, why not have the same support in our minds.  We can't choose are family or certain people in our lives, but we can certainly choose the committee members in our head.  Identify your committee members and make sure each voice is helping you mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially – in other words, helping you be the best you can be in every way possible.  When we support ourselves to be the best we can be, we inadvertently support others, as well as the entire world.

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