RESTORING
A SENSE OF HARMONY
TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS
This past Saturday, I was at the
gym for my weekly workout. My "main"
training routine usually consists of a jog on the treadmill, the use of
some of the gym equipment, and the free weights. I then
conclude my
workout with some stretching.
It's a great way to keep in shape, but there are other benefits as
well. For me, oftentimes my workout transcends mere exercise
- it's a
place I go to where I can get away from the phone ringing, my tennis
lessons and my writing. It's all about being in my own world
and space
and having my own time where I can relax and focus on me as I exercise
and listen to my favorite music on my iPod.
 Nine
times out of ten, though, I can't help but be distracted at the
gym by a few big shots – (big shots in their own minds, that
is!)
I'm sure you have seen or heard these individuals who make all these
grunts, groans and moans as they work out with the barbells and gym
equipment. You can't help but wonder: Are they hurting
themselves? Are
they in pain? Or do they purposely want to bring attention to
themselves? After they finish doing their reps, they throw
down the
weights with total disregard for the equipment, only to start the whole
caveman ritual all over again. Most people will agree that
this
behavior is ego-driven, disturbing, and even comical. The
peculiar part
is that in sports, energy is fuel, and when you waste so much effort
grunting and groaning, you are wasting a lot of precious energy
–
never mind that you're disturbing others' environment.
This rude behavior has become so routine (in the gym and everywhere
else) that most of us don't even think anything of it when we see it.
We can't help but notice it, but we just roll our eyes and
accept it.
The question is: Should we accept it?
And the answer is NO!
Why should anyone accept an "in your face," "I'm better than you"
attitude from anyone? One could say that the behavior is not
being
projected directly onto you, but indirectly, it does have an effect on
you. When you find yourself turning up your iPod or
intentionally
avoiding being near these obnoxious individuals, their behavior is
definitely having a direct (and negative) effect on you.
In sports, as in life, if you settle for less, you will get
less. If
you think, "Oh I don't care – it doesn't affect me," you'd
better
think again! The bottom line is that when you settle for less
in
yourself, as well as in others, you short-change yourself of the
happiness and success that are your birthright. Look at it
this way -
It's like littering. It might not affect you directly, but when people
pollute the earth, they are polluting your home!
Fortunately, some people are looking out for you. With the
example
above, some sports clubs are taking a stand and enforcing rules so that
if they see obnoxious behavior or obsessive groaning or abuse of
equipment, the perpetrator will be thrown out. This is all
well and
good, but why not start claiming your own life as important?
You can
remake your own world for the better by making a conscious choice not
to settle for disrespectful behavior from others and to be a positive
example and role model to others by giving and being your best self.
Being
your best self
The first step toward being your best self is to know that your words
have the power to inspire others, as well as to hurt them. Be
responsible for what you say and be mindful of your actions. Also,
let's insist that other people be responsible for their actions as
well. If someone is slacking off at work, his or her performance
affects everyone. The same is true in life: There are no
"brownie
points" awarded for good behavior. When you do things (like
speak up,
stop buying music that defames different lifestyles and certain people,
and demand better behavior in sports and in life), you are rewarded
with a kinder society, better experiences, and a happier life.
Trust
me: No one is going to fault you for not settling for mediocrity.
As a
matter of fact, they will respect you more for it.
As far as being someone who strives to be their best self and be
respectful of others, these are the most popular people whom everyone
wants to be around. The idea is this: You don't have to thump
your
chest or trash-talk people to be powerful in sports or in life. If you
give your best and be your best, your actions will speak louder than
words.
Most of us at some point in our lives have thought it exciting to watch
a hockey player beat up another hockey player. Or, you might
have
thought it entertaining to watch a tennis player lose his temper, smash
his racquet and berate the linesman; as we laugh and think the incident
is entertaining and humorous. However, we don't realize the
implications it has towards how we treat other people and how we expect
other people to treat us. Would you be happy if you
encountered the
same aggressive attitude at work, at school, or from your
boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse? I didn't think so!
It's not exactly
something that we want to teach our kids, either.
Here are some oddities I find in sports. Remember - sports
are a mirror
of life and for every cause there is an effect, whether you realize it
or not. I'm sure that some people will dismiss these oddities and feel
they are just habits that are ingrained in our sports
culture.
The
two arenas of sports and life are not separate;
one affects the other.
Likewise, when people or athletes exhibit
sportsmanship or create an environment conducive to respect, everyone
benefits. There is no doubt that it takes work to be
conscientious of
your words and actions, but the benefits far outweigh the "in your
face," "Win-at-all-costs – it's all about me" attitude that
is so
prevalent today.
 One oddity in sports is the lack of handshakes
between opponents when a
baseball game is finished. Hockey players shake the opposing team's
hands in the playoffs. Tennis players shake their opponent's hand after
a match. Boxers touch gloves before the fight and before the
last round
of the fight. Why is it that baseball players line up after a
game to
shake only the hands of their fellow teammates? I think all
players on
a team should commend each other, but in the name of sportsmanship,
wouldn't it show respect to acknowledge your opponent for a game well
played? If a business firm made a deal with another business
firm and
then only shook hands with the people from their own company, would we
find this acceptable or find them trustworthy? We
would not.
Why is it in basketball the fans in the stands yell to distract a
player when they are taking a foul shot? Also, is it
necessary to
lambaste your opponent with "trash-talk"? This was not
necessary 20
years ago; why is it now? It certainly hasn't made the sport
better,
but I think it accounts for people being more open and thinking it is
their prerogative to be hurtful and say things without any regard for
others' feelings. The Rutgers University women's basketball
team will
verify this one. Most of us don't feel the sting unless it
affects us
personally, but rude, hateful and derogatory words are commonplace
today. If both players played their best, wouldn't that make
for a
better game? Instead, most people root for their team and
don't care
how they win – as long as they win. This is the
same
"win-at-all-costs" attitude that people despise in politics and with
big corporations.
In baseball, it's all about how well you play. If you are
having a good
day, all you hear is "Hooray!" and "You are the bomb!" (or "da bomb" if
the speaker feels the need to show some overly-clever grammatical
defiance.)
If you are having a bad day, though, God help you; the fans will tear
you apart. Can you imagine having a bad day at work and, as
you were
leaving the office, people shouted "You Idiot!" or "loser!" at
you?
Once again, we are so used to this abominably poor sportsmanship that
we don't realize how rude it is and how it is carried into our everyday
lives as well. (Perhaps if we throw in more fighting and some
blood,
we'll be a few steps closer to the gladiators who fought to the death
for the crowds in Rome.)
 It
never ceases to amuse or surprise me why baseball coaches always
storm the field after a close play and get nose-to-nose as they argue
with the umpire. Some coaches have even spat at, kicked dirt
on or
gotten physical with the umpire. The coach knows that the
umpire will
never change his mind, yet that doesn't stop him from laying into him
like this is a "do or die" situation. People tell me that the
coach's
intention is to influence the umpire to call the next close call in his
team's favor. Isn't this intimidation? I would hope
that the umpire is
calling them as he sees them and not changing his decision because he
feels he "owes one" to the coach.
 I think it's tiresome to watch football players
celebrate themselves
after every successful move they make in a football game. In
reality,
they are doing what they are paid to do and they are making an
excessive amount of money doing it. There is a difference
when an
athlete does a victory dance when a touchdown has been made or when a
player has gone above and beyond what was expected of them, but to do
it after every play…? Not only does this slow down
the game,
it
also perpetuates the "in-your-face" egoistical attitude that most
people would find repulsive in everyday life. Shouldn't we
marvel at
their athletic talent, instead? Or is it more fulfilling to
be
entertained by their childish antics? It's like taking a
drug: Each
time, you have to take more and more to feel the same reaction, because
you build up a tolerance. When we watch this kind of
over-the-top
behavior, we want to see more and more outrageous behavior, and players
know this. Players try to out-do the others. Isn't
this what has
happened with television? (It makes you wonder what new reality
television show they are going to come up with next!)
The fact is that each and every one of us is responsible for making
this world a respectable place. In sports, school, work, and
everywhere
else in life, we need to hold each other accountable. If you
are doing
your best, why would you want to settle for someone else being a
goof-off and spoiling your work, your environment, your life
experience, your happiness, and/or your success? You can't
have it both
ways: You can't have insanity in sports, but sanity in life –
or
insanity at home and sanity at work.
Our behavior must be consistent
in
all areas of life.
The next time you're tempted
to overlook someone's disrespectful
behavior, why not pause for a moment and remind yourself over and over
that what you say and do, as well as what others say and do, has a
direct effect on you and on the harmony of our world?  Kids are a great
example: They model their words and
behavior from what they learn from
others, including music and television. If we are
the sum of our
experiences, let's make a conscious decision to invest more mindfulness
into our actions and hold other people accountable as well.
Make it an
active choice, not a passive effect; everyone's imprint counts and when
we undermine one another we literally harm ourselves. By
striving to
always give and be our best selves in work, relationships and sports,
what a better world this would be – for you, me, and everyone
else!
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